Chintu, Choot, Da Loser!, nicknames weirder than these, are whispered from all sides by my ever-supportive friends as He comes into view. Hmmm...black kurta today over...uh...damn, man don't u ever change out of those pants!
Slimy conversations over a hot cuppa sweet tea outside Hegde, while the weathered awning protects us from the rain; soaking up some good Vitamin D on the steps of Om Sai,chomping down Bun Bhurji and trying to mooch a tenner out of Rudra; my hysterical giggles on long walks where I switch between playing agony aunt to a childish schoolgirl. Memories...and he's not a part of even a single one.
The stolen glances are so passé...
Had a long talk with Amit Chatterjee...his life, mine, my moonings, his adjustments. law skul angst everywhere, possibly the only bond all 400 of us share besides mindless malicious gossip...oh but i used 'mindless' didn't I?
We both want to escape...this place...I sometimes feel like starting over. One more chance to choose more wisely, to make better decisions, to live it all over again. The one thing i've always avoided is the one thing i have begun to live with - Regret (the R in caps is just to dramatize the effect...i can't help be the Drama Queen that i am). He has had it difficult, I made the mistakes that i did. I guess we both are struggling to grow up in the only ways we know how, he with his quiet rebelliousness to get out of the rut and I stubbornly defiant of any wrinkle in my nicely-laid dreams.Will we succeed? I no longer identify with Meenakshi...I only see glimpses of her in me, like those absurdly cracked reflections u catch of urself in those vertically long multiple mirrors in a store...one after the other..there she is...nope disappeared again!
My dominant mood cannot be described as peaceful.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
yep...i saw him again. 2 hits in a row!
I was with the Bugger, who kept muttering 'that choot' and 'u shy baby' at regular intervals on seeing the Loser. "Look how he is savouring Nags, as if he is in Paris admiring the bloody Eiffel Tower,"the Bugger exclaims, as the Loser on seeing me,immediately turns to admire the DTDC Office above Swathi.Hehe...the Bugger does occasionally surprise me with a semblance of wit...
See, when I'm harbouring one of my many romantic notions, I like to yearn moodily for days, possibly weeks like some pastoral maiden in a Tennyson poem. As is obvious my close friends derive great fun at my expense and refuse to give the requisite attention to my obsessions.Bah!
so here we are, at vinays...mebbe one day i'll look back and smile at my inanities, but for now here's to more delightful ogling...and Christ! that Bugger has now begun to yak...again!
I was with the Bugger, who kept muttering 'that choot' and 'u shy baby' at regular intervals on seeing the Loser. "Look how he is savouring Nags, as if he is in Paris admiring the bloody Eiffel Tower,"the Bugger exclaims, as the Loser on seeing me,immediately turns to admire the DTDC Office above Swathi.Hehe...the Bugger does occasionally surprise me with a semblance of wit...
See, when I'm harbouring one of my many romantic notions, I like to yearn moodily for days, possibly weeks like some pastoral maiden in a Tennyson poem. As is obvious my close friends derive great fun at my expense and refuse to give the requisite attention to my obsessions.Bah!
so here we are, at vinays...mebbe one day i'll look back and smile at my inanities, but for now here's to more delightful ogling...and Christ! that Bugger has now begun to yak...again!
U r losing ur bearings- The constants in ur life are gone. And while till now u thought u could cope pretty well without them, it's only when something like today happens that you realize just how unanchored ur life is.
the ignorance, the constant feeling of rejection.
my room- i hate it! i cant bear to stay cooped up in it anymore, but then i dont have any place to go! for I am not a part of a 'gang'.
Cliques, groups, close-knit circles- exclusionary, dismissive and isolated. U do what the clique wants u to do, u all laugh at the same people, u tend to act in a certain manner jus so that the heckler in the gang doesnt call you a wimp; Your perspectives are coloured by their beliefs, YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE becoz of what they think of u. Hey u have to be nice to all their girlfriends; tolerate the egos of their boyfriends!
Are u even U anymore...?
"relatively speaking she is closer to his group'...the Bugger told me patiently today in class.
I'd never wanted to be with that motley gang, now i cant help wishing I'd made entirely different choices in my first year. He has revealed a bit of his soul to her...she told me last night.
"Stop whining!" the Bugger reacts selfishly, bored that I'm not talking about him. I want my share of the moonlight...But how can I? Sort of helplessness envelopes me.
the ignorance, the constant feeling of rejection.
my room- i hate it! i cant bear to stay cooped up in it anymore, but then i dont have any place to go! for I am not a part of a 'gang'.
Cliques, groups, close-knit circles- exclusionary, dismissive and isolated. U do what the clique wants u to do, u all laugh at the same people, u tend to act in a certain manner jus so that the heckler in the gang doesnt call you a wimp; Your perspectives are coloured by their beliefs, YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE becoz of what they think of u. Hey u have to be nice to all their girlfriends; tolerate the egos of their boyfriends!
Are u even U anymore...?
"relatively speaking she is closer to his group'...the Bugger told me patiently today in class.
I'd never wanted to be with that motley gang, now i cant help wishing I'd made entirely different choices in my first year. He has revealed a bit of his soul to her...she told me last night.
"Stop whining!" the Bugger reacts selfishly, bored that I'm not talking about him. I want my share of the moonlight...But how can I? Sort of helplessness envelopes me.
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